So close... so very close...

[tsukinofaerii]

Ow. Ow ow. I think I have writer's wrist or some sort of traumatic typing injury. D: I type on a laptop in my comfy chair, which is admittedly not good for preventing carpal tunnel or for supporting the wrists. Not much alternative though. My elbow and wrist now feel funny. Sadpanda

Anyway. Every year on the NaNoWriMo forums, someone posts the five Stages of NaNo. Sometime around 3PM today, I hit stage four: Despair. I kind of hate my story to a thousand tiny pieces right now. I hate my characterization (it is wobbling somewhere between Ults and 616), I hate that I can't bring New York to life the way I did Phoenix (I cannot use googlemaps on dial up), I hate that my plot is so damned jumbled and I hate that I have no fricking clue what happened to Thor. RAWR. My Big Bads are neither big nor bad, and in fact have lost whatever badassitude they had in the first fic. The action scenes? LOL. Blow. And my prose is stiff as hell. I'm already dreading the revisions, because I can easily see having to rewrite more than half of what I have. (headdesk)

TL;DR. Despair.

Luckily, I'm getting to the point where I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. On at least one major plot point, I can follow it from here to dramatic climax. I'm going to have to scrap the idea of a sex scene though. It just is so not happening. Maybe in the revisions. (sigh)

Anyway, my whining is mostly so you know that I whipped myself into a frenzy writing today. I did one of those things where I'd set myself a goal, and then hit it, and then realize how close the next goal was. This kept going until I finally threw down and had a cupcake. A cupcake of FIERCE. And chocolate.

[An hour of arguing HP in AIM with seventy bajillion people later...]

Harry/Draco rules. Trufax.

Anyway lol! Word count today skyrocketed to 47,142, meaning I wrote 7,045 words. WTF is wrong with me? oO; That is 4 daily quotas, and as long as I don't slack, I will hit the big 50k tomorrow. (This is a serious question, because I just saw that the last bit of RR&R has started to be posted, and the proceeded to make catlike yowls of joy.) Also, anecdotally, I'm past 100 pages. And I'm still not at my climax. ._. Not even at the edge of it, actually. Eep. Just how long is this thing going to be? And how much of it is going to get chopped to itty bitty meatballs?

Keep in mind that I hate my story, and that reflects in the writing. Also, I completely have messed up the name of a weapon, and for the life of me cannot figure out what it is actually called. My brain keeps filling in "bandoleer", which is Definitely Not It. (sighs) They are being called ropes for now. If anyone remembers the actual name of the weighted ropes that whirl around and trap people's legs, I'd appreciate knowing?

White blond curls fell into her eyes as she shook her head. "Keep her safe. Have her sent to Jamestown. Lady Celicia and I shall deal with her there."

Erika nodded and turned to run. Ezrabet thought about calling the child back and calling her to task for the rudeness, then changed her mind. If she spent her time attempting to make human children behave with manners, she would waste an eternity with nothing to show for the time spent.

Maybe she should take the children under her wing. Caine had encouraged his children and grandchildren to be coarse and rude. It is time to instill some grace back into the blood.

---

Shaking his head, Steve tried to straighten. "Sorry. I just had to check on something."

"I see." Sharp teeth flashed behind Tony's lips as he smiled. It was amazing how slight the difference was, and how efficient such a small change could make them. "You could have asked me if you wanted to see something."

"You mean like Potts being off doing 'Peppery things'?" Steve asked, jerking his chin at the monitor, and Tony winced.

"Okay, you got me." Tony leaned forward and grasped Steve's hand, expression intent. "I lied about Pepper. She's doing an errand for me."

"You expect me to buy that?" Steve demanded. He squeezed Tony's hand, gratified when he was able to make Tony wince. "What sort of errand, Stark?"

---

One of the rope arrow heads rattled around in Clint's pocket, mixed in with the usual explosives. He felt for the tell-tale marking with his thumb, a raised spider web. He dodged another swing of Steve's feet, kicking his knee out from under him when he tried to get up. Explosive, explosive, tracking—there! Clint grabbed it out of his pocket and triggered it. The silk cord slithered out of its capsule. Tossing it to Tony, he threw himself on Steve's legs and tried to find the other one.

"What the hell is going on?" Jan demanded, fluttering overhead. She, too was naked. Maybe it's naked day and no one told me.

"Hallucinations!" Clint told her. Pain cracked through his head as he was slammed into the wall. "Thinks we're Nazis! Stun him! The ropes won't hold for long!"

---

Tony. A small wiggle let him angle himself to see Tony's knee. "Yeah, I'm awake. What happened?"

"Busted down the door." Tony's hand rested against the back of his leg, massaging. His voice was soft, tired. "You're welcome to say that you told me so. I don't mind."

"I told you so." Another squirm, and Steve figured out how to rock himself all the way onto his side, letting him get a good look at Tony. "Did I hurt anyone?"

"My pride." There were lines around Tony's eyes that hadn't been there before when he leaned down to look at Steve's face. "Think you can keep it together if I let you free? Jan thinks you should eat something, and Clint managed to wrangle food out of the kitchen."

Comments

[penumbren]

Bolas. (I can't seem to sit and write for more than 20 minutes at a time, but I sure as hell can help fill in useless trivia. XD)

[tsukinofaerii]

THANK YOU. I was like, bandoleer, bandeau—IT'S A B-WORD!

(Try Write or Die. Seriously, it helps. Even with my sound turned off, the red screen just scares me.)

[penumbren]

Glad I could help -- I know how incredibly frustrating that is! :)

Yeah, WoD is responsible for the 700+ words i got out in 15 minutes so far today. I'm about to go abuse it ruthlessly so that I can at least make minimum quota today; after the complete fail that was life last week, and now that it's been mostly resolved, I have Goals For This Week. If I manage to get over 3k words in one day, I'll be shocked, but happy. I am going to at least finish the 50k by the deadline, dammit. :)

[tsukinofaerii]

You can do it!

[popsongnation]

Don't hate your story. I'm sure it's awesome, really.
steve's hallucination-sickness is still going on?

[tsukinofaerii]

It is a hatred born of frustration. @_@ I suspect it will pass. I hope.

Yep. (eyes him) Which is part of the frustration, TBH. :| I will persevere! And then I will end up posting a million pages of cuts, because they taste of burning.

Good grief, I'm impressed

[jazzypom]

You've almost hit mark and you're not even half way done? You need to bind your hands though, before you type, or take frequent breaks and wrap your hands in a warm towel or something. I'm knitting and my yarn is heck on my hands, so I have to be taking frequent breaks like woah.

Re: Good grief, I'm impressed

[tsukinofaerii]

Binding is a good idea. We have vetwrap for the horses that should do. D: I did not think it would be a problem, but my wrists are still aching the next morning. It's never been a problem before (but I never typed this much in one day before...)

No, I've typed until my wrists ached

[jazzypom]

*side eyes the deadline for comicsbigbang earlier in the year * and after that, my wrists ached until the next day. Same with knitting, I'll knit until my wrists and shoulders cry 'uncle', but I do need to be careful, so I wrap my wrists when I can, and take frequent breaks from both activities. I think there are exercises you can do for your hands. Have a butcher's here and scroll down to wrists.

Re: No, I've typed until my wrists ached

[tsukinofaerii]

Oooh thank you for the link! (bookmarks) I'll dig out the vetwrap and see if that helps. Should probably find a better way to type too. x-X

[grand-duc.livejournal.com]

the stages of NaNoWriMo are hilarious, and they sound very very true.

I'm sorry to hear you hate your fic. It sounded good from the bits you gave us. Maybe it'll look better if you leave it alone for a little bit.

I also have to say I am very impresed by your ability to write, It's only the middle of november!

Ps: what's write or die? I have a six pages spanish essay due for thursday and I haven't started writting yet.

Write or die

[jazzypom]

Does what it says on the tin. You set a time, and it pokes you along. If you stop, the screen flashes, and there's music.

[tsukinofaerii]

They are. So very, very true. D:

I suspect that hating the fic is necessary at some point, in order to stay realistic about its quality. Nothing that is written at a flat-out sprint is going to be a clean draft, or even a dirty draft. D: There will be no quick turn-arounds here.

^^; I normally am not so dedicated. At all. (is lazy)

RE:PS: Write or Die is a nifty little tool that lets you set a word and time goal, and then punishes you if you slow down or (heavens forbid) stop writing. It is very handy for people who get distracted easily (like moi). I spent $10 on the desktop version, and it was seriously worth the expense.

[cursor_mundi]

So one thing I'm coming to discover with my own writing project (dissertation, alas, no where near as much fun as fic! *pouts*) is that hating the project is both a requirement and also an indication of investment. The more invested you are, the more you hate the project, because it becomes your life -- and thus, with that investment, the better the project will be, because you cannot bear to leave it alone. Mind, the intense focus that NaNo promotes can really magnify this hatred, because you cannot escape and you cannot allow it to develop organically: it's all about the wordcount, as you're finding out, and getting it down so you can revise and revise and revise, which is where I think you're going to fall in love with it again.

I know you're pretty anti-meds, but an anti-inflammatory might help keep your wrists in better shape, in addition to the bindings and braces. Barring that, I think there are herbal teas that can help, and the heat might help you sooth the tendons and muscles (though I think you need to ice them first). And taking breaks -- trust me when I say that you can produce far more than just 7,000 words a day if you are strategic in your breaks...

[tsukinofaerii]

I need to take those words, print them out, and stick them on my computer. Truerfax never faxed. It's a form of literary agony to keep writing a scene that you know sucks because you're writing it for the word count. And when the scene sucks, it's hard to remember that the important thing is that there is a scene to suck at all.

Hopefully, you're right about the falling in love again part too. D:

(mumbles reluctantly at anti-inflamatories) I will try wraps and suchlike before I turn to meds. :\ Having a wrist pillow at work is helping at least a little. I will finish my 50k at work with the comfy, and then spend tonight with my forearms and wrists wrapped with something warm. If that doesn't help, then come the pills.

Should probably buckle down and figure out a way to actually use my desk like it's meant to be. Tiny crowded room is tiny and crowded.