Oh no, not again
Feb. 20th, 2010 09:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukinofaeriiWell, I hit 15k on my AU Big Bang! But trouble lurks in the waters ahead. I never thought I'd have this problem. Really. Not ever. It's... Um. Well...
I think I broke Captain America.
(scratches head) Breaking Tony is nothing new. Happens all the time, really. I mean, it's harder to keep Tony together than to let him fall apart. Steve was never on my radar as breakable! I mean, really, it's Captain America! Made of steel in an understatement here. But...
First I realized that Steve's family was alive in 1610, so I had to deal with them. I could not go with the 1610 premise. It just wouldn't work. A major part of the story and its effects on Stevie is how the government pretty much decided to pretend she didn't exist, down to creating "Steven Rogers" in order to hide her gender after the fact. I can't see any loving family cheerfully letting their daughter's history be plowed under and rewritten. Well, I'd already established Stevie and Gail as being a couple, with Bucky and Stevie as each other's mutual beard. All things considered, it fits that her parents would be distant if they'd found out. So that gave her distance from them, and let them be enough bastards that they lined up and accepted a pay-off to keep their mouths shut.
Okay, so there's angst. Unexpected, but it makes the story work so she can masquerade as a man. But, um... I am having belated realizations about how stressful that must have been. Sure, she had Bucky, but (as much as I love Bucky), I can't imagine her trying to explain to him about missing make-up, or her hair, or just feeling isolated. So add that on top of fighting in WWII for stress.
And now she's at loose ends in modern New York, trying to figure out whether or not to go back to the base she busted out of. Some part of her wants to think that she can go back to her own time, but I think subconsciously she's already starting to write that off as impossible. (That'll have to be dealt with soon.) She's alone, assuming pretty much everyone she knows is dead, and she just found out that her parents cheerfully posed with a stranger pretending to be "Steven". Even if she does go back, she has no idea if she won't just be dealt with as a loon, since everyone knows Captain America was a man and (as far as she knows) the US has no interest in unveiling her as their dirty little secret.
I'm barely holding her together at this point. I think the only reason she's not bawling is because she can't afford to make a scene. I know where she's going from here, and I have a vague-ish idea of how it's going to end up—this story is a lot more unplanned than I'm comfortable with—but I can't find the nagging feeling that she's going OOC. Male!Steve never had to deal with all of that, and I doubt he'd break down in tears even if he did, but I'm not sure how much of that would have been his social conditioning or how much is inherent to the character and I'm losing it somehow.
IDK, maybe it's that we never get to see Steve's head the way I'm laying open Stevie's. We just see the actions and results. :\ This is bugging me.
But at least I hit 15k?
I think I broke Captain America.
(scratches head) Breaking Tony is nothing new. Happens all the time, really. I mean, it's harder to keep Tony together than to let him fall apart. Steve was never on my radar as breakable! I mean, really, it's Captain America! Made of steel in an understatement here. But...
First I realized that Steve's family was alive in 1610, so I had to deal with them. I could not go with the 1610 premise. It just wouldn't work. A major part of the story and its effects on Stevie is how the government pretty much decided to pretend she didn't exist, down to creating "Steven Rogers" in order to hide her gender after the fact. I can't see any loving family cheerfully letting their daughter's history be plowed under and rewritten. Well, I'd already established Stevie and Gail as being a couple, with Bucky and Stevie as each other's mutual beard. All things considered, it fits that her parents would be distant if they'd found out. So that gave her distance from them, and let them be enough bastards that they lined up and accepted a pay-off to keep their mouths shut.
Okay, so there's angst. Unexpected, but it makes the story work so she can masquerade as a man. But, um... I am having belated realizations about how stressful that must have been. Sure, she had Bucky, but (as much as I love Bucky), I can't imagine her trying to explain to him about missing make-up, or her hair, or just feeling isolated. So add that on top of fighting in WWII for stress.
And now she's at loose ends in modern New York, trying to figure out whether or not to go back to the base she busted out of. Some part of her wants to think that she can go back to her own time, but I think subconsciously she's already starting to write that off as impossible. (That'll have to be dealt with soon.) She's alone, assuming pretty much everyone she knows is dead, and she just found out that her parents cheerfully posed with a stranger pretending to be "Steven". Even if she does go back, she has no idea if she won't just be dealt with as a loon, since everyone knows Captain America was a man and (as far as she knows) the US has no interest in unveiling her as their dirty little secret.
I'm barely holding her together at this point. I think the only reason she's not bawling is because she can't afford to make a scene. I know where she's going from here, and I have a vague-ish idea of how it's going to end up—this story is a lot more unplanned than I'm comfortable with—but I can't find the nagging feeling that she's going OOC. Male!Steve never had to deal with all of that, and I doubt he'd break down in tears even if he did, but I'm not sure how much of that would have been his social conditioning or how much is inherent to the character and I'm losing it somehow.
IDK, maybe it's that we never get to see Steve's head the way I'm laying open Stevie's. We just see the actions and results. :\ This is bugging me.
But at least I hit 15k?
