Letters from Tony

[tsukinofaerii]

SPOILERS AHEAD.


Sweetheart,

Do you really expect to be able to write me sans obligatory drink? Speaking in all truth, I'm entirely against this premise, and I highly recommend that you adjust it post haste. Trading addictions is a fine and historically honored pastime, but I simply don't believe it to be possible in this scenario. Shakespeare himself would have difficulty prying my beloved bottle from my cold dead hands, which is precisely what you endeavor to attempt. You may as well use Ye Olde Captaine in my place.

Yes, I know I'm irresistible, but please darling. For the sake of the story and my long love affair with Mademoiselle Tequila, be reasonable.

Yours truly,
Tony

***

Dearest darlingest Tony-bear,

Suck it up.

You still have a crutch, and you're getting 1) no tumor and 2) One Steven Rogers out of the deal. You and I both know very well that your liver was practically shredded, or would have been if cirrhosis hasn't hardened it to a rock. You should be thanking me for what I'm about to do to you, not whining that you'll miss your Bloody Mary.

Don't look at me like that. It's a perfectly valid pun.

In short, go chew on a barfly.

Your loving author,
Moi

***

Darling,

I was under the impression that sucking is Steve's trouble.

Tony

***

Tony-love,

If I'm not allowed to make bad puns, then you're not.

Love,
Your Author

***

Dearest,

Ah, but you see, bad puns are entirely aside from the point. My character is defined by my addiction. Surely you recall the interview that made you spit nails? The one that claimed my "ambition" is to be an alcoholic? You see, that interview was entirely accurate, and by doing this you are denying me the very basis of my character. Which is to say, vodka.

Now, far be it for me to tell the author how to write her own story. We are simply actors on the stage of fiction, and you are our director, producer and keeper of the gates of Heaven. I simply feel that this has some internal inconsistencies of which you must be made aware. For example, how am I to pass in normal society without the ability to drink? Furthermore, how will the displacement of my addiction affect me? Will there be withdrawals? Will I find myself having to avoid drunks, for fear of draining them as dry as a single serving bottle of champagne? If you decide to make it a true transference, I could very easily become a danger to all those around me. Neither of us want that.

All I request is that you give this some thought. You simply can't throw a man into sobriety easily just because he happens to be dead.

Antonio Stark

P.S. You forgot about my bio-armor.

***

Tony,

I know precisely how I'm going to handle your alcoholism and the transference to sanguism. It's not precisely a 1:1 matter, you know. Trust your author, dearest.

Love,
tsukinofaerii

P.S. I hate you.

***

Faery,

I love you too, darling.

Tony

Comments

LMAO.

[jazzypom.livejournal.com]

Well done. You have his voice down pat. You and e_s write a better Tony Stark better than I do. :)'

Re: LMAO.

[tsukinofaerii.livejournal.com]

Tony and I are still arguing about the liquor. He's voting for an all-liquid diet that happens to be mostly blood. I think he's Deliberately Missing The Point. >.>;;

But I loooooves your Tony! (clutches him)

:D

[pensive]

If you don't finish this I am going to pass out.

You don't want that on your hands, I assure you. It's not worth the clean-up.

Re: :D

[tsukinofaerii.livejournal.com]

D: EEP. I definitely don't want that! The police tend to have questions about unexplained bodies.

>.> Technically, this isn't even started yet. It's for my NaNoWriMo. Tony is being meeeeeeeeean. D:

[pensive]

I bow to a skill far greater than my own. You are doing Nano! *grabs pompoms, liquor, and cheers you on like a cheering thing*

[tsukinofaerii.livejournal.com]

Cheerleaders are always welcome. ^^;;;;

Skill? :o More like masochism. >.> Never done NaNo before. Heck, never done a 50k story before. EEP!

And I have less than a week. D:

[pensive]

I will work my way up to it, one of these days. Writing a 16k story with Jazzypom helped me tremendously.

less than a week? ONOZ!! D: *uploads caffeine*

[tsukinofaerii.livejournal.com]

The longest I've managed was 25k, I think? And that took months. D:

lol I think I wasn't clear enough. NaNo starts in a week and (thank goodness) takes a month. Then, I shall need the caffeine. And probably some whiskey.

[pensive]

I only managed 16k because it was a team-up, and Jazzy is far less inhibited than me when it comes to wordage *g* Left to my own devices, even 1000 words can take months. /shame

I make a mean Cuba Libre. Call me when you need both liquor and caffeine XD

[tsukinofaerii.livejournal.com]

I am, by nature, more of a reader than a writer. I'm currently offering up prayers that no one starts a really interesting story in November. If they do, I'm a goner.

*\o/* Shall do! At the very least, I should end November with a hangover and a caffeine buzz. :D

[pensive]

Same here. I find I spend most of my day reading, and while I get plot bunnies often, it's more arduous to translate those ideas into actual typing (especially if I find someone did it first, lol).