KH Randomness
Apr. 30th, 2007 06:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukinofaeriiThis isn't even a fic. This is what happens when the power goes out before an extra-long day at work and I don't get any coffee.
Psych!
"So, tell me about Roxas."
"Roxas? There's nothing much to tell." Fidget.
"Try."
"Well... He's my darkness."
"Does Roxas make you do things?"
"What? No!"
"Does he do bad things?"
"Not anymore. We reunited last year. Now he's just a voice in my head, mostly. Kind of like a ghost."
"What what is Roxas saying now?"
"..."
"Sora, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
"He... uh... wants to go home."
"Is that all?"
"... Kinda. He's not really happy about being part of me again. Says they got him drunk or something."
"Roxas believes you used to be separate?"
"We were! He kicked my butt all over the place."
"May I talk to him?"
"... No." Squeak. "Stop it! Roxas! Not here!"
"What's he doing?"
"No-othing-ing!"
"Sora..."
"Is our time up? I think our time's up gotta go bye!"
***
"How do you feel today, Axel?"
"I don't."
"Pardon me?"
"I'm fucking dead, and before that I didn't even exist. Duh."
"I... see..."
"Yeah. You see. Hey, are those matches?"
***
"I'm speaking to Roxas now?"
"Yeah."
"How do you feel about being part of Sora?"
"... You're an idiot, aren't you? How do you think I feel?"
"There's no need to be rude."
"Yes, there is. I'm not just another part of Dipshit here's head. I'm an actual person. Never did buy into Xemnas' existentialist crisis bullshit. Besides, they got my fuck-toy killed."
"Your...?"
"Axel."
"Oh. Axel. I see... Ahem. That's why you make things so hard for Sora?"
"Hard. Heh. Good word."
"Roxas, please."
"I'm not doing anything except bringing attention to what's already there. You have any idea how many times a guy thinks of sex in a day? He suppresses all of it. At this rate, he'll die a psychotic virgin."
"Why do you do that?"
"It's something to pass the time until I'm on my own again."
"You realize that there's no way to separate you."
"Hah! If I drive him batshit insane, they'll figure something out. A few years of blueballs and I'm free."
"...I think we're done here."
***
"How can I help you Kairi? Is Naminé causing problems?"
"No, not at all. We get along just fine."
"Then why are you here today?"
"Did Sora say anything to you about me? Or Riku?"
"You know I can't tell you that. Why don't you talk to me about them?"
"Well... Okay, I guess. We were really close friends, you know? And then the whole "saving the universe" thing happened. Things are weird now."
"Weird how?"
"We don't spend any time together any more. Sora's being really evasive, and Riku won't do anything without him. I think Sora's sick."
"Oh?"
"One time I climbed through his bedroom window—we used to do that all the time—and he was thrashing around in bed like someone was... Um. You know." Blush. "Or like a dream. Except there was no one there, and he was wide awake."
"I think Sora maybe just has some personal problems he needs to handle."
"But Riku's acting weird too! Whenever we do hang out, it's like I'm not even there. One time my bikini top slipped and neither one even noticed! That's really not healthy for boys, right?"
"... I think you need to talk to them about this."
***
"Riku, your hour is almost finished. Are you going to talk to me now?"
"... want Sora."
"I know, but I can't help you with that unless you talk to me. Why do you want Sora?"
"You've seen him—he has "molest me" written on his forehead in black Sharpie!"
"I think Roxas is likely the one responsible for that. You know, it's not unusual to be attracted to a friend. Why don't you ask him out?"
"He's got a boyfriend."
"Oh?"
"That damned Nobody."
"Axel?"
"Him too?!"
"No, no, it was a guess. Who do you mean?"
"Roxas!"
"He and Roxas aren't dating."
"I've slept over at his house. I've heard the dreams. They're together."
"Maybe it's not what you think."
"Then what is it? Roxas using Sora's suppressed sex-drive in a nefarious scheme to get a body of his own? Yeah, right."
"... I give up."
Psych!
"So, tell me about Roxas."
"Roxas? There's nothing much to tell." Fidget.
"Try."
"Well... He's my darkness."
"Does Roxas make you do things?"
"What? No!"
"Does he do bad things?"
"Not anymore. We reunited last year. Now he's just a voice in my head, mostly. Kind of like a ghost."
"What what is Roxas saying now?"
"..."
"Sora, I can't help you if you don't talk to me."
"He... uh... wants to go home."
"Is that all?"
"... Kinda. He's not really happy about being part of me again. Says they got him drunk or something."
"Roxas believes you used to be separate?"
"We were! He kicked my butt all over the place."
"May I talk to him?"
"... No." Squeak. "Stop it! Roxas! Not here!"
"What's he doing?"
"No-othing-ing!"
"Sora..."
"Is our time up? I think our time's up gotta go bye!"
"How do you feel today, Axel?"
"I don't."
"Pardon me?"
"I'm fucking dead, and before that I didn't even exist. Duh."
"I... see..."
"Yeah. You see. Hey, are those matches?"
"I'm speaking to Roxas now?"
"Yeah."
"How do you feel about being part of Sora?"
"... You're an idiot, aren't you? How do you think I feel?"
"There's no need to be rude."
"Yes, there is. I'm not just another part of Dipshit here's head. I'm an actual person. Never did buy into Xemnas' existentialist crisis bullshit. Besides, they got my fuck-toy killed."
"Your...?"
"Axel."
"Oh. Axel. I see... Ahem. That's why you make things so hard for Sora?"
"Hard. Heh. Good word."
"Roxas, please."
"I'm not doing anything except bringing attention to what's already there. You have any idea how many times a guy thinks of sex in a day? He suppresses all of it. At this rate, he'll die a psychotic virgin."
"Why do you do that?"
"It's something to pass the time until I'm on my own again."
"You realize that there's no way to separate you."
"Hah! If I drive him batshit insane, they'll figure something out. A few years of blueballs and I'm free."
"...I think we're done here."
"How can I help you Kairi? Is Naminé causing problems?"
"No, not at all. We get along just fine."
"Then why are you here today?"
"Did Sora say anything to you about me? Or Riku?"
"You know I can't tell you that. Why don't you talk to me about them?"
"Well... Okay, I guess. We were really close friends, you know? And then the whole "saving the universe" thing happened. Things are weird now."
"Weird how?"
"We don't spend any time together any more. Sora's being really evasive, and Riku won't do anything without him. I think Sora's sick."
"Oh?"
"One time I climbed through his bedroom window—we used to do that all the time—and he was thrashing around in bed like someone was... Um. You know." Blush. "Or like a dream. Except there was no one there, and he was wide awake."
"I think Sora maybe just has some personal problems he needs to handle."
"But Riku's acting weird too! Whenever we do hang out, it's like I'm not even there. One time my bikini top slipped and neither one even noticed! That's really not healthy for boys, right?"
"... I think you need to talk to them about this."
"Riku, your hour is almost finished. Are you going to talk to me now?"
"... want Sora."
"I know, but I can't help you with that unless you talk to me. Why do you want Sora?"
"You've seen him—he has "molest me" written on his forehead in black Sharpie!"
"I think Roxas is likely the one responsible for that. You know, it's not unusual to be attracted to a friend. Why don't you ask him out?"
"He's got a boyfriend."
"Oh?"
"That damned Nobody."
"Axel?"
"Him too?!"
"No, no, it was a guess. Who do you mean?"
"Roxas!"
"He and Roxas aren't dating."
"I've slept over at his house. I've heard the dreams. They're together."
"Maybe it's not what you think."
"Then what is it? Roxas using Sora's suppressed sex-drive in a nefarious scheme to get a body of his own? Yeah, right."
"... I give up."