Skits from the HMS Wolfstar
Dec. 16th, 2005 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tsukinofaeriiOnce again, I was browsing the forums and ended up dropping something in type that I'd like to keep for posterity. The difference is, these are just amusing. The flow of these things will probably slow now that I'm out of work until the 3rd.
(Question: Rita Skeeter interviews them about their relationship, and that article appears in the Prophet. What would that article be called? Excerpts from the article? Skits?)
Daily Prophet Headline: Forbidden Love: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin come Out of the Closet
Sirius Black, ex-escaped convict, ex-Auror, ex-dead man and Godfather of the Boy Who Lived, holds his lover, Remus Lupin, werewolf and ex-Professor, close as they relate their story. Now that You-Know-Who has been defeated, they agreed to bring their illicit love out of the bedroom, in hopes that it will inspire other hidden trysts to come forth. Black, who seems to speak for the shy werewolf in most matters, says, "Neither of us could imagine living without the other's sweet sweet manlove."
Lupin's eyes shine with luminescent tears when Black speaks of his isolation and imprisonment in Azkaban. "I knew he didn't do it," Lupin explains, "but werewolves aren't allowed in Azkaban except as prisoners."
"It was Moomie's love for me that got me through," Black declares loudly, provoking yet another set of tears from his emotional partner. "At the end, I bent the bars of Azkaban to return to his arms. Even death couldn't keep us apart."
They plan to move into a little flat in San Fransico, USA, after Harry Potter, their beloved mutual Godson, graduates Hogwarts, where they will invest their savings in Male Pregnancy Potion research, in the hopes of bringing about a litter of little escape-artist werewoves. This reporter wishes them the best of luck in their new life.
Remus: (staring blankly at the Prophet when Sirius comes in -- doesn't respond.)
Sirius: Moony? (pours tea, then goes to poke him on the shoulder) Hullo~o, Moony. Are you in there?
Remus: (petrified in shock)
Sirius: (pulls the paper out of his hands, and is vaguely troubled with Remus still doesn't move. Reads)
[An Hour Later]
Harry: (carefully peeks into the kitchen -- clucthing his own copy of the Prophet) I didn't mean to bust in, but no one was answering the door, and there's the strangest article in the Prophet today...
Sirius & Remus: (frozen in shocked horror still)
Harry: ... Maybe this isn't a good time to mention Draco and I.
Sirius: *murmur*
Harry: What?
Remus: *croak* Manlove.
Sirus: Guh. x.x
(Question: If Sirius and Remus had told Harry they were a couple, how would they have done it? )
[Plan]
Sirius: Harry, sit down.
Remus: We've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, and we think you're ready to hear it.
Sirius: Remus and I are in love. We're a couple.
Harry: (tears in his eyes and hugs them both) Now you really are like my parents!
[Insert moment of utter Sap here]
[Reality]
Sirius: Um... Harry, you might want to... er...
Harry: Are you okay? Is everything alright?
Remus: (blushing) Everything's fine, we just... want to tell you something?
Sirius: RemusandIsareinloveandwehavesex. (hides his head in his arms)
Harry: (confused -- didn't catch a word of that) I don't understand.
Remus: Oh God. (tries to sink through the floor)
Sirius: (blanches) Well... Harry... When two people are in love... There's bits and bats, and normally bits go with bats, but-- Moony, HELP!
Remus: You did this yourself, I wanted to wait until his wedding day!
Harry: (even more confused) What are you two talking about?
Sirius: Usually bits go with bats, but sometimes it's bits and bits or bats and bats, and--
Harry: O_O (gets it) You're-- This is-- Oh God. (hides his face too) I already know! No more! Please!
Remus: (redder than Weasley hair) You-- know?
Harry: Of course I know! Do you think anyone gets through puberty under McGonagall's eye without hearing about se-- IT? Besides, dating Draco isn't all-- Erp.
Sirius: ... Did you catch the part about Remus and I being in love?
Harry: ... I have now? oO
Sirius: Good. Good.
Harry: It's over?
Remus: Over.
Harry: (makes a break for it)
[a few minutes later]
Sirius: ... Did he say "dating Draco"? Malfoy?!
Remus: Let it go.
(Question: Rita Skeeter interviews them about their relationship, and that article appears in the Prophet. What would that article be called? Excerpts from the article? Skits?)
Daily Prophet Headline: Forbidden Love: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin come Out of the Closet
Sirius Black, ex-escaped convict, ex-Auror, ex-dead man and Godfather of the Boy Who Lived, holds his lover, Remus Lupin, werewolf and ex-Professor, close as they relate their story. Now that You-Know-Who has been defeated, they agreed to bring their illicit love out of the bedroom, in hopes that it will inspire other hidden trysts to come forth. Black, who seems to speak for the shy werewolf in most matters, says, "Neither of us could imagine living without the other's sweet sweet manlove."
Lupin's eyes shine with luminescent tears when Black speaks of his isolation and imprisonment in Azkaban. "I knew he didn't do it," Lupin explains, "but werewolves aren't allowed in Azkaban except as prisoners."
"It was Moomie's love for me that got me through," Black declares loudly, provoking yet another set of tears from his emotional partner. "At the end, I bent the bars of Azkaban to return to his arms. Even death couldn't keep us apart."
They plan to move into a little flat in San Fransico, USA, after Harry Potter, their beloved mutual Godson, graduates Hogwarts, where they will invest their savings in Male Pregnancy Potion research, in the hopes of bringing about a litter of little escape-artist werewoves. This reporter wishes them the best of luck in their new life.
Remus: (staring blankly at the Prophet when Sirius comes in -- doesn't respond.)
Sirius: Moony? (pours tea, then goes to poke him on the shoulder) Hullo~o, Moony. Are you in there?
Remus: (petrified in shock)
Sirius: (pulls the paper out of his hands, and is vaguely troubled with Remus still doesn't move. Reads)
[An Hour Later]
Harry: (carefully peeks into the kitchen -- clucthing his own copy of the Prophet) I didn't mean to bust in, but no one was answering the door, and there's the strangest article in the Prophet today...
Sirius & Remus: (frozen in shocked horror still)
Harry: ... Maybe this isn't a good time to mention Draco and I.
Sirius: *murmur*
Harry: What?
Remus: *croak* Manlove.
Sirus: Guh. x.x
(Question: If Sirius and Remus had told Harry they were a couple, how would they have done it? )
[Plan]
Sirius: Harry, sit down.
Remus: We've been meaning to tell you this for a long time, and we think you're ready to hear it.
Sirius: Remus and I are in love. We're a couple.
Harry: (tears in his eyes and hugs them both) Now you really are like my parents!
[Insert moment of utter Sap here]
[Reality]
Sirius: Um... Harry, you might want to... er...
Harry: Are you okay? Is everything alright?
Remus: (blushing) Everything's fine, we just... want to tell you something?
Sirius: RemusandIsareinloveandwehavesex. (hides his head in his arms)
Harry: (confused -- didn't catch a word of that) I don't understand.
Remus: Oh God. (tries to sink through the floor)
Sirius: (blanches) Well... Harry... When two people are in love... There's bits and bats, and normally bits go with bats, but-- Moony, HELP!
Remus: You did this yourself, I wanted to wait until his wedding day!
Harry: (even more confused) What are you two talking about?
Sirius: Usually bits go with bats, but sometimes it's bits and bits or bats and bats, and--
Harry: O_O (gets it) You're-- This is-- Oh God. (hides his face too) I already know! No more! Please!
Remus: (redder than Weasley hair) You-- know?
Harry: Of course I know! Do you think anyone gets through puberty under McGonagall's eye without hearing about se-- IT? Besides, dating Draco isn't all-- Erp.
Sirius: ... Did you catch the part about Remus and I being in love?
Harry: ... I have now? oO
Sirius: Good. Good.
Harry: It's over?
Remus: Over.
Harry: (makes a break for it)
[a few minutes later]
Sirius: ... Did he say "dating Draco"? Malfoy?!
Remus: Let it go.
